Secretly inspired

theoriginalspike:

speedlag:

Musical Statistics

the grease one jghgfdhdfg

I LOST IT AT MACAULAY

SO THIS GUY WAS TRYING TO HIT ON THIS GIRL IN MY CLASS TODAY AND THIS HAPPENED

Douche: hey
Nice girl: 
Douche: HEY
Nice girl: what?
Douche: you know, there should be a warning sign on my dick
Nice girl: excuse me?
Douche: yeah, it should say choking hazard lol *hi fives bros*
Nice girl: isn't that a label they put on small objects?

R-Money - Will The Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up (feat. Barack Obama)

1,537,461 plays

hyperbali:

2xpistolsandawink:

assachusetts:

fuckred:

MY STOMACH HURTS FROM LAUGHING

I AM LITERALLY CRYING
GOODBYE

OH MY GOD

FUCKING. PRESS. PLAY. DO IT.

tears of laughter tbh

runawayghoullista:

localshopofhorrors:

intellectual-stupidity:

adamconover:

Mitt Romney Style
vincentpeone:

If this video manages to sway one voter, I feel like I’ve done my job as an American. Directed by me, written by Adam Conover and Emily Axford, produced and coordinated by our incredible team in LA- Jon Wolf and Sam Kirkpatrick, edited by Nick Barbieri, starring the man of legends, Matt Walton.

Vince and the entire CollegeHumor production team did an unbelievable job turning this video around in an incredibly short period of time and somehow making it look so easy. A ton of credit also goes to Wellington Lora at Cueniverse for making it sound like I could actually hit that high note, and to the hilarious and incomparable Lisa Hanawalt for suggesting the original germ of the idea while we were in line at customs at the Houston Airport. This stupid video is the crowning achievement of my lifetime.

I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS OH MY GOD

I think I just died laughing.

oh no i was in no way prepared for this i can’t even

this is too good how

i

what

what

I’ve researched the phrase ’ I will walk the earth and my hunger will know no bounds.’ But I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.

“

—	Ianto Jones - Torchwood -Season 2 Episode 7 (via ialwaysfeellikesomeoneswatchinme)

Oh my god, I was so full of sad Janto-feels, but then I saw this and laughed for ten minutes straight XD If you need something to cheer you up just watch it

bethiepiepiepie:

This made me laugh soooo hard.

How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:

 *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man: I never filled out an application.
Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Employee: 
Man: 
Employee: 
Man: Fuck you, slut.

arythusa:

mycroft-queenofengland:

cumberbitchsandwich:

adventuresinnerdiness:

flickandswish:

billy-hill:

beekel:

Fifty Shades of Grey narrated by Gilbert Gottfried

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS.

i am crying i am literally crying i am laughing so hard that there are tears trickling from my eyes oh my god

perfect, perfect, perfect

I CAN’T OH MY GOD THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS

I wish I could play this for every customer that asks me for this book.

I can’t even— XD